Happy Solstice, Everyone!

I'm going off to do the family thing visiting relatives with limited computer access, so there will be no Sunday post on December 26th.  I'll be back January 2. I hope you're all having fun holidays. 

Just for grins, here’s a little verse I wrote a few years ago—updated for current trends. (Sorry about the seriously clunky rhyme. Anybody have a better rhyme for “zombies?”)

Yes, we all need to learn the rules. Then we need to learn how not to follow them.

THE WRITER’S REWARD

…with apologies to Dorothy Parker

Writer, writer, never pen

Background story till page ten.

Use no flashbacks—no, nor prologue.

Never start your book with di’logue.

Set the hero’s hair on fire.

Keep the situation dire.

Write in genres tried and true

From a single point of view.

Tell your tale in linear time.

Avoid a plot that strains the mind.

No dead kids, bad priests, abuse

Or politics in your debuts.
Stick to sleuths with cutsie hobbies,

Teenage dating, clockwork zombies.

Make it light but never funny.

(Humor’s too subjective, honey.)

And if that gets you published kid,

You’ll be the first it ever did.

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How to Blog Part IV—What the #%*! Should I Blog About?

OK, sez you. I’ve finally finished my novel/memoir and I’m about to send out my first round of queries. People say I need a blog. But now you tell me not to post excerpts from my WIP or focus on my personal life. I’ve only written one book (if you don’t count that one I’ve stuffed in a drawer for now.) I’m not famous or an expert on anything special.

…so what DO I blog about!!?

To get your ideas flowing, start by surfing around the writing blogosphere. Click on some of the names of commenters on popular agent blogs—or right here—and read their blogs. Analyze the ones that draw you in and find the elements that make them interesting. Then borrow a few ideas and put them together in your own way.

(And don’t forget to leave comments. That’s how the blogging community gets to know you. Reading and commenting on other blogs is essential to generating readership. Factor that into your blogging time.)

Or you may find yourself making long comments on some subject that gets your hackles up/juices flowing. That’s the stuff you should be putting in your own blog.

The most successful blogs reveal the writer’s personality and provide useful information at the same time. They usually focus on one particular niche, although the occasional foray off topic is OK when the content is fresh and interesting.

Here are a few ideas for finding a focus for your blog:

• Concentrate on your genre or subgenre. You don’t have to limit yourself to books. You can discuss movies, videogames, TV shows, even jewelry and costumes—as long as they relate to your niche. SciFi writer Alex J. Cavanaugh has a great blog that specializes in all things SciFi. He won this year’s Movie411 award for best SciFi blog, for good reason. 

• Focus on your novel’s setting. Recently a country singer/songwriter who’s working on a mystery novel asked me for help with his blog. He’d been posting mostly lyrics from his songs (not a good idea because music copyright laws differ from written word copyright laws, and he might have been giving away his songs forever.) I suggested he concentrate on some aspect of his novel instead. He renamed it “Southern Life” and he’s going to blog on the setting of his planned series—the rural south. Bingo.

• Your character’s hobbies can make a great subject for a blog, too. Write cozies about a sleuth who collects dolls? Start a blog about dolls and the history of dollmaking, and maybe review sites that sell doll-making materials. You’ll draw in a whole demographic that might not usually read mysteries, but will loyally read yours because they’re interested in the subject matter.

• Write historicals? You’re sure to have tons of research notes you couldn’t fit in the book. A blog is a great place for them. Provide information about a specific time period aimed at history buffs, costumers, Creative Anachronists and other historical novelists and you'll draw a variety of readers.

• Do you write for a particular demographic—single urban women, Boomers, stay-at-home moms, or the just-out-of-college dazed and confused? Focus on aspects of life of special interest to that demographic.

• Have some great recipes that relate to your character, time period, or whatever? Write about the food in your books, or food in fiction generally.

• Is your historical based on a real person or your own family history? You could target readers from the genealogy blogosphere and provide how-to-study genealogy info and links to historical research sites.

• Have you written a memoir that involves caretaking or surviving a particular disease or disaster? Or does your novel have a protagonist with a disability? Reach out to others in the same situation and provide information and pep talks for others dealing with the same issues. They’ll provide a ready-made audience when your book comes out.

• And you CAN write personal stuff—as long as you make it entertaining and funny. Think stand-up comedy rather than confessional personal diary. Romantic comedy writer Tawna Fenske somehow manages to do this in post after post.

If you want to build a readership quickly, and you have time to do some research, consider a service blog.

• Profile agents who represent your genre. Casey McCormick does this for agents who rep YA. She takes the info. from agency websites, interviews, articles and blogs and compiles them into easy-to read form. Basically she does your research for you. (Thanks Casey!) Other genres sure could use somebody like this.

• Review books in your genre. If you write thoughtful reviews, you’ll immediately become everybody’s best friend. Every published novelist is dying for reviews. Danielle “First Daughter” Smith has a great review site for children’s books.

• Review books about writing. There are a ton of them out there. You could start with the ones you’ve got on your shelf right now. How helpful are they to a writer in your genre? What classics are no longer helpful in today's marketplace?

• Post a weekly/monthly round-up of other blogs in your niche. Sierra Godfrey and the writers at Adventures in Children’s Publishing  provide consistently good round-ups—and there are many, many more. 

Or you can be uncreative like me and write about writing. Mostly. A huge number of writers at various stages of our careers blog about our creative process and all aspects of the writing life. Join us. Writers are book readers (or we should be) so you have a ready-made reading audience.

Ending your posts with a question is a good way to generate comments. Anybody out there have more suggestions for subject matter for new bloggers? 

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How to Blog Part III—14 Blogging Pitfalls New Bloggers Should Avoid

I’ve had such great responses to the first two posts in this series, I have to take a minute to welcome all the new blogfolk—and thank everybody who has commented and/or retweeted the links. I’m also very honored by the shout-outs I’ve had from media professionals like Gary Canie and Kaze and Ras at the 3:17 AM blog 

Mr. Canie says the blog is your #1 marketing tool. It’s the face you present to the world. Use it well. Make it a “hub” for your online presence, as Writers Digest editor Jane Friedman suggests. Here are some pitfalls you might want to avoid if you want to keep that hub professional and sustainable..

1) Starting to blog too soon. I don’t agree with the people who pressure every newbie writer to fritter away precious writing time on the Interwebz. Don’t get me wrong: in order to be a marketable writer, you DO need a blog or interactive website (one you can control yourself vs. paying a professional geek every time you want to update.) It’s how you establish your “brand.” But until you’ve been writing for a few years, you probably won’t have a clue what that’s going to be.

What if zombies invade the second draft of what started out as a cozy mystery? Or a Victorian romance veers into steampunk? What if Rosa Lee Hawkins decides to become dark, brooding R. L. Hawk? Now she’s stuck with that pink, lacy blog—plus the betrayal her romance-loving followers will feel.

You don’t need a marketing tool until you’ve got something to market. Don’t worry about a blog until you’ve finished your first novel and/or had a couple of stories published.

2) Trying to maintain too many blogs. One is plenty. Two if the other is a group blog. Anything more and you probably won’t be able to keep them up. If somebody visits your profile and randomly clicks on one of your five blogs and it hasn’t been updated since you posted that weepy eulogy for Heath Ledger—you just stamped “unprofessional” next to your name.

3) Not listing an email address on your profile. A blog is essentially an advertisement for you as a writer. Why advertise a product that’s not available? Unless you’re being actively pursued by a cyberstalker, there’s no reason not to offer contact information.

4) Making commenting difficult. Those word verification things are a barrier to commenters. I’ve never used them and never met a spambot. If you monitor your blog regularly, you can remove spam yourself (I think I’ve had three spammers in a year and a half of blogging.) And as for insisting on moderating all comments—especially if you don’t get around to them for days—that’s pretty much saying, “I don’t need no stinking comments.” Unless you’re currently battling major troll attacks, don’t do this.

5) Mundane, unfocused blogposts. “Today I went to the dentist, then picked up some groceries and cooked my husband’s favorite meatloaf,” will snoozify anybody who isn’t a member of your immediate family. Remember this isn’t a personal journal.

6) Whining. Resist posting rants about the unfairness of the publishing industry. Or how lame that famous writer’s work is compared to yours. It’s OK when you’ve had a big disappointment to ask for the emotional support of your friends, but don’t give specifics and never rail against the agent/editor(s) who spurned you. Remember the first thing an agent will do if she’s interested in your query is Google you. She probably just had lunch with that editor you called Mr. Poop-for-Brains.

7) Making the blog about one book and/or posting cute observations from your character’s point of view. Yes, I know some bloggers have managed to sustain this kind of tour de force for a while—but what happens when your editor has you change the character’s name? Or that series doesn’t sell and you move on to something else? You want a blog to establish your career—not lock you into a box.

8) Mommy, Mommy look at me! Make sure everything you post has a purpose beyond begging for praise. If you do post creative work, ask for criticism (although, as I said, writing forums are better for this) or use it as an example of how you worked out a knotty problem.

9) Blogging too often. Blog gurus tell you to post once a day or more, but their advice isn’t aimed at creative writers. We have other priorities. I suggest once a week, with an occasional mid-week post for important announcements (like when YOU SIGN WITH AN AGENT! Yay Sherrie Petersen!) Most blogs burn out after two years. But you want yours to be a platform to support you for the long haul. (And believe me, the road to publication is one loooonng-ass haul.)

I’m relieved when my favorite bloggers cut back to a few posts a week. That way I have some hope of keeping up.

10) Focusing on follower numbers. Go for quality not quantity. This is about making friends who (hopefully) will become loyal fans. If you treat people as a commodity, they’re not going to care about you, either.

11) Spamming other bloggers. Visiting random blogs and saying, “This is a swell blog. Come visit mine” is creepy. If there’s a discussion going on about prologues and you’ve just written a post about how Nathan Bransford says prologues are an annoying form of procrastination, by all means mention it. But it has to be relevant to the discussion.

12) Writing posts that are too long, dense, or address more than one topic. 79% of web users scan rather than read. Long posts are off-putting. Break them up with lists, bolding and lots of white space. If you want to write about several topics, use separate blogposts.

13) Letting blogging take over your life. You CAN’T read all the top publishing blogs and comment on all your friends’ blogs every day. Choose one or two days a week and let go of the guilt.

And as for your own blog, remember two words: SLOW BLOGGING. Here’s a link to the SLOW BLOG MANIFESTO See my post on the subject here. Feeling burned out? Going on vacation? Just post a notice that you’re taking a break. You can keep your blog alive without giving up your own life for it.

14) Apologizing for not blogging. I don’t read on if a post starts with, “So sorry I haven’t blogged since September, but my mom came to visit and we had the kitchen remodeled and the dog ate my mouse….” I'm not your third grade teacher. I don't care. Next time you miss a few posts, tell yourself you didn’t FAIL to blog; you SUCCEEDED in joining the Slow Bloggers.

A writer’s blog should exist in service to your creative work, not the other way around. To quote the late, great Miss Snark: “Your job is to write. Blogging is not writing…There's a lot to be said for sitting down with your ownself and writing. Nothing, literally NOTHING replaces that.”

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Blog of the Week!

This has been named blog of the week by the very cool bloggers at 3:17 AM. They're a couple of impressive guys--one a writing teacher and the other a marketing guru.

They like my "modesty and gentle irony.' Aw shucks. 

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Top 10 Trends in Children's Books

I know a lot of my followers write YA/MG—so here’s a list of the top ten 2010 trends in children’s publishing—just released by Scholastic’s editors.

1. The expanding Young Adult audience
2. The year of dystopian fiction
3. Mythology-based fantasy (Percy Jackson followed by series like The Kane Chronicles, Lost Heroes of Olympus and Goddess Girls)
4. Multimedia series (The 39 Clues, Skeleton Creek, The Search for WondLa)
5. A focus on popular characters - from all media
6. The shift to 25 to 30 percent fewer new picture books, with characters like Pinkalicious, Splat Cat and Brown Bear, Brown Bear showing up in Beginning Reader books
7. The return to humor
8. The rise of the diary and journal format (The Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Dear Dumb Diary, Dork Diaries, The Popularity Papers, and Big Nate)
9. Special-needs protagonists
10. Paranormal romance beyond vampires (Linger and Linger, Beautiful Creatures, Immortal, and Prophesy of the Sisters)

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How to Blog, Part Duh: 13 Steps for Establishing a Popular Writing Blog

Last week I wrote about how to set up a blog and got some great responses—like from this guy. So here’s some more of the stuff I wish I’d known before I started blogging:

1. If somebody comments, respond in the thread. I did not know this for, like, months when I started out. If any of you who commented early are still reading in spite of my cluelessness—I apologize. Some bloggers respond via email, which is kind, but responses in the thread stimulate discussion and generate further comments.

2. Don’t be a voice crying in the wilderness. To have a friend, you gotta be one. Follow and comment on other blogs. It’s called social networking. Go out and be sociable! Looking for stuff to post about? Respond to other people’s blogs on your own. Instead of leaving a long comment in that anti-prologue thread, write your own post on the pros of prologues and leave a link

3. Blog on the same day(s) each week, so people will know when to visit. FYI, I recently read Wednesday and Thursday are the biggest blog traffic days. (Worst days: Saturday and Sunday. So I have a Sunday blog. I might change that.)

4. Stay on message. It’s OK to post the occasional personal stuff if it’s interesting—like your cat winning the “ugliest pet” award, or the fact you have the world’s most evil, draconian health insurance policy, but keep the majority of your posts focused on your niche topic(s).

5. Use headers that describe your content. Titles like “It’s Wednesday” and “So Sorry I Haven’t Been Blogging” won’t snag a lot of readers. 

6. Be sparing with posts of your creative work. If you want critique, you’ll do better visiting writers’ forums like Absolute Write or AgentQueryConnect. People don’t tend to read fiction posted on blogs (even by famous published authors.) Save the fiction for the occasional blogfest or contest, but otherwise, keep your WIP to yourself, especially if you’re a newbie. You don’t want that sucky first draft hanging out there in cyberspace. Trust me on this.

7. Join in blogfests and contests or conduct your own. A blogfest is a non-competitive mass sharing of work. One blogger will announce a topic, say “first kiss scenes,” and anybody who wants to join in signs up. On the given day, everybody reads each other’s posts and makes comments. It’s a fun way to meet new writers and get acquainted with their work. A blog contest can be anything from a random name draw from a list of commenters to a competition for the best steampunk haiku. Prizes are usually a book or maybe a critique from the blogger. Rewards for the host blogger are an increase in traffic and more followers.

8. Make sure your “tags” are search-engine friendly. List as many topics as possible, including names of people you’ve mentioned. Those tags are what attract Google’s attention. (This is what geeks mean when they talk about SEO.)

9. Link to other blogs. This is friendly and it also gets the attention of search engines. In fact, a weekly round-up with links to some of your favorite blogposts of the week is a great way to get readers and notice from the Google spiders.

10. Post an announcement when you go on hiatus. If you have to skip a few posts, leave a message letting readers know when you’ll be back. A blog that hasn’t been updated since your rant about the totally lame conclusion of Lost is worse than no blog at all. You’re trying to impress people with your professionalism, remember? NB—if you do lapse for a while, don’t post a long list of excuses when you get back. Bo-ring.

11. Don’t let your best posts fade into cyberspace. Link to them in a sidebar. Blogger has a gadget that makes a list of your most popular posts. If you want to know which ones those are, Blogger also has a “stats” feature, or you can download Google Analytics.

12. Ignore the rule-makers who tell you to “monetize.” If you’re a creative writer, you’re in this for platform-building and networking, not the ten bucks or so a week you could get for letting Google post annoying stuff in the margins. Many of the ads in Google’s writing category are for predatory self-publishing outfits and bogus literary agencies. You do NOT want your name associated with those people.

13. Remember the #1 rule of blogging is the Golden one. Offer the kind of post you like to read. Not too much about you. No huge, indigestible hunks of text. Save the negativity for your private journal. Keep it short, sweet, informative and reader-friendly, and pretty soon you’ll have a bunch of friendly readers.

How about you, fellow bloggers out there? Any tips to add?

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Kudos for My "How To Blog" Post

An Internet marketing guru Gary Canie likes my blog! He says you can start a blog before Christmas if you follow my directions. You can watch his video recommending me right here. Thanks, Gary!

No, I've never heard of him before. Life on the Interwebz can be so fun!

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How to Start a Blog: The Basics for Non-Geeks.

A lot of my readers are already bloggers. You guys can skip this—although if you have anything to add, I’d sure appreciate it. My post this week is mostly for the lurkers (love my lurkers!) who know you’ll probably need a blog eventually, but feel intimidated by the whole process.

Lots of sites give tips on how to make your blog successful (Nathan Bransford had a great list of Seven Tips on How to Build a Following Online last week) but it’s hard to find the A-B-C basics for set-up. I had to learn by trial and error myself, making a lot of mistakes along the way. So here’s the stuff I wish somebody had told me.

Before you start, you’ll want to: 

1. Decide on a focus for your blog. Successful blogs address a niche. Yes, writing is a niche, but the more you narrow your focus by genre and subject matter, the more you’ll stand out.

2. Think of a memorable name. You might use something that suggests your genre, like “Riding, Roping and Writing,” or pinpoints your setting, like “Hoboken Horrors,” or accentuates your protagonist’s hobby, like “Macrame is Murder.” Or you can be unimaginative like me and call it YOUR NAME’s blog—maybe reducing the ho-hum factor with something like “Susie Smith, Scrivener.” The advantage to using your own name is—

1. When somebody Googles you, your blog will come up, instead of that old MySpace page you haven’t bothered to delete and the rave Amazon review you gave to your ex-boyfriend's awful PublishAmerica book in 2006.
2. You don’t get boxed into one genre. (I strongly advise against starting different blogs for different books. One is time-consuming enough.)

3. Decide what tone you want to set. If you write MG humor, you don’t want your blog looking all dark and Goth, and cheery colors will give the wrong message for that serial killer thriller. Romance sites don’t have to be pink, but they should be warm, inviting and a little sexy or girly. Also, if you have a website or Twitter page, aim to echo the tone and color in order to establish a personal “brand” look.

4. Choose a couple of photos from your files to decorate the blog. Usually one of yourself for your profile, and another to set the tone. And of course your book cover if you have one for sale. Try to keep with the same color scheme and tone.

Now you’re ready to start:

5. Go to a friend’s blog. If they use Blogger or Wordpress, there will be a link at the top that says “create blog.” I suggest using one of these platforms because they’re easy to connect with other blogs. Blogger previews every blog you follow on your “Dashboard” so you can keep up with new posts from friends. Also if you’ve already got a Google account, you’re half-way through Blogger’s hoop-jumping. Cyber-savvy folks will give lots of reasons why other platforms are better, but, as I said, this is for non-geeks.

6. Click on “create blog.” Follow directions. They’re easy.

7. Choose a template. Don’t mess with the design too much, except in terms of color—a busy blog isn’t a place people want to linger. And don’t add animation or anything that takes too long to load.

8. Pick your “gadgets.” There are lots to choose from. But again, keep it simple. I suggest just choosing the basics like “about me”, followers, subscribe, and search. You can go back and add anything you want later. Just go to your “design” tab to find more.

9. Set up privacy settings. I suggest making no restrictions on new posts. Word verifications are annoying and keep people from commenting. They’re great for screening out spambots, but I’ve yet to meet a spambot in my year and a half of blogging without word verification. But DO have every comment over a week old sent to you for approval. (Old posts attract more spam.)

10. Sign up for email notification of new comments so you can respond to them in a timely way. (Thanks to Emily Cross and Michelle Davidson Argyle for cluing me in on this!)

11. Upload those photos. But not too many. And NO MUSIC. People read blogs at work. And on their phones. Even though you’re sure everybody on the planet adores the classics of the Abba catalogue, some of us don’t. Trust me on this.

It’s that easy. But don’t forget to:

12. BOOKMARK your blog, or you may never find it again. You’d be amazed how many people set up a blog only to have it disappear forever into cyberspace. 

13. Keep to a schedule. Decide how often you want to blog—I suggest once a week to start—then do it. Preferably on the same day each week..

14. Write your first blogpost. A post should be 300-600 words (do as I say, not as I do) presented in short, punchy paragraphs. Bulleting, numbering and bolding are your friends. Make a point and present it in a way that’s easy to grasp. As to content, offer information and interesting observations, not navel-gazing. If you have more to say than fits into a few paragraphs—great! You have material for next time.

15. Go comment on other people’s blogs. That’s how you get people to visit yours. 

Congratulations! You are now a blogger.

More on blog etiquette in a future post.

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Read my latest article, with more on the two James Freys

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A Dark Force Invades the World of Children’s Literature: A Tale of Two James Freys

I sure did upset some people when I expressed my envy of YA/MG writers in last Sunday’s post. I said—in what I intended to be a humorous fashion—that the children’s wing of the book business looked to me like rainbows and unicorns compared to the dark fortress that is most of American publishing.

Well, it seems I was wrong. Somebody has been hunting the unicorns.

His name is James Frey.

This is the James Frey who cashed in on the big market in I-was-lost-but-now-I’m-found recovery tales that were hot stuff when Oprah was the queen of the American publishing universe. He wrote a heavily fictionalized memoir called A Million Little Pieces and passed it off as truth. When he got caught, he had to apologize to Miss Oprah on camera and take a major chewing out—after her endorsement had made him rich and famous, of course.

Well, now that Oprah is phasing out her show and book club, and the new hot stuff in the industry is Young Adult fiction, Mr. Frey is chasing the bux again by starting a sweatshop “factory” for YA writers.

His idea is that if you put a bunch of writers in front of a bunch of keyboards, they’ll come up with another Twilight—sort of like the old speculation that if you set enough chimpanzees tapping away at enough typewriters, they’ll eventually come up with Shakespeare’s plays.

But since chimpanzees are expensive to feed and care for, Frey thought he’d use MFA students from places like Princeton, where protecting yourself from scammers isn’t high on the academic agenda.  He came up with the world’s most draconian contract, offering YA writers $250 per manuscript, for which they retain legal liability and marketing responsibility—but relinquish copyright. That’s right. All their ideas and characters belong to Frey, to assign to other writers or even appropriate for his own work.

And he actually signed up a bunch of newly minted MFAs. It’s so embarrassing how needy this impenetrable industry can make us, isn’t it?

But there’s a footnote to this creepiness I haven’t seen mentioned: there’s another James Frey: James N. Frey—a writer who’s been around since the 1980s, writing nine novels and five how-to guides—helping and coaching young writers—not eating them for lunch.

This is the James Frey who wrote How To Write a Damn Good Novel —still in print since 1987. His latest writing guide, which came out this year is  How to Write A Damn Good Thriller. 

I had the chance to study with James N. Frey at a writers’ conference at California’s Asilomar in the late 90s. He taught me more about novel structure in one workshop than I’d learned in years of pouring over how-to-write books and endless copies of Writer’s Digest/Market/Poets and Writers, etc.

His Damn Good Novel was one of the first guides for novelists that used Jungian archetypes and Joseph Campbell’s “Hero’s Journey” theory to structure a novel. Mr. Frey took this concept of story from screenwriters—the one George Lucas used for the Star Wars films—and applied it to novel writing.

During our workshop, Mr. Frey hammered home the fact that certain a storytelling structure is hard-wired to the human brain, and that’s why it’s been around since Homer.

Here are some notes I saved from that workshop:

1) Introduce your hero in his native habitat—before he receives the Call to Adventure. This is why opening in the middle of a battle doesn’t work. You have to meet the traveler before you can understand the journey. (I’m not talking getting-up-in-the-morning, teeth-brushing native habitat—show her/him in a scene that involves conflict—but before the main journey starts.)

2) You need ONE hero. You can have as many gatekeepers, allies, mentors, and shapeshifting sidekicks as you want, but you can only have one protagonist.

3) The hero must return from his quest. This is why so many modern novels leave us feeling empty and unsatisfied. An ending doesn’t have to be happy, but it has to provide resolution. We must know the hero’s journey is done and see how he/she has been changed by the experience.

I don’t know Mr. James N. Frey, and he isn’t aware I’m writing this. Although, OK, he did call me a comic genius at that conference, which has given him a warm place in my heart. But mostly I can’t help feeling compassion for a writer who is only one initial away from confusion with the Darth Vader of publishing.

I thought he deserved to have somebody speak up for him and say he’s not this new Dark Disturbance in the Force you’ve been reading about—but more of a Yoda, full of wisdom and solid advice.

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Beth Revis Explains it All for You--what we all need to know about YA

When I wrote on Sunday about YA/MG fiction seeming like a welcoming world of rainbows, bluebirds and unicorns in comparison to the Phantom Zone of adult fiction, this is what I was talking about—here’s a quote from today’s post from the wonderful YA writer Beth Revis.

“YA doesn't care about the rules. The YA genre is one of the few genres where you can have a contemporary romance beside an action-based sci fi and no one bats an eye. YA books care about telling a good story, and the rest of the rules don't have to apply. In adult books, you have someone like Nicholas Sparks, who always writes one type of book. In YA books, you have someone like Laurie Halse Anderson who can write a contemporary novel about rape and a historical fiction about the American Revolution and they can sit side-by-side on the shelf. Adult authors who genre bend are rare (Neil Gaiman, I'm looking at you), but since YA is, by definition, genre-bending, authors get to place the story over the genre tropes (since there are no genre tropes).”

For anybody thinking about jumping on the YA gravy train, Beth’s post today is a must read. Actually, it’s a must-read for anybody writing fiction. The truth is YA has become mainstream fiction these days and I think it will soon dictate the style of all fiction. And from what Beth says, that’s a good thing.

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Wimpy Kid Eats George Bush’s Lunch

 Last week George W. Bush’s memoir gave Random House their best opening day sales in seven years—170,000 print copies.

BUT—on the same day, Middle Grade fiction writer Jeff Kinney launched his fifth book for Abrams in his Diary of a Wimpy Kid series and sold—375,000 print copies.

Yeah. Do you wonder why so many agents are looking for KidLit and passing on that brilliant stuff you’re writing for grown-ups?

You kind of have to wonder if it’s time for us all to give up on our chosen genres and start penning middle-school-nerd/angsty-teen sagas. I admit to giving it serious thought myself.

Not only are children’s authors more in demand, but the whole KidLit industry is more fluid and open. Children’s publishing isn’t bound by the rigid agent-as-gatekeeper paradigm. My unrepresented YA writer friends get to go to conferences where they engage in actual editor-to-writer communication. That’s right. Without five or ten years of groveling in agent inboxes to get there. And then—even if the editors pass—they get detailed letters full of helpful suggestions.

If you’re a writer of adult fiction you probably suspect I’m deeply full of batcrap, but I swear it’s true. Ask any writer who’s a member of SCBWI. While a new writer of adult fiction can spend years—even decades—trapped in a Phantom Zone of  rejection and silence, children’s writers seem to live in a warm, welcoming world of rainbows, bluebirds, and effing unicorns.

Oh, do I sound a little bitter?

Well, yeah. I guess I’m kind of tired of reading all those articles on how if you aren’t getting partial requests on 75 % of your queries, you’re a bad writer. Or if you don’t have an agent yet, you must be calling your work a “fiction novel” and mass cc-ing every agent in AAR, addressing them all as “Snookums.”

The truth is, if you’re not getting any reads, it might mean you don’t write for people under eighteen. Full stop.

This phenomenon doesn’t just affect the unpublished masses trying to break in. Established writers are jumping into the kiddie pool as well—big name authors like Joyce Carol Oates, Carl Hiassen, and Stephen Hawking. Pay it Forward author Catherine Ryan Hyde says she can’t even get her adult fiction published in this country any more—even though it wins awards in the U.K.—but her new YA book, Jumpstart the World is getting huge buzz. 

There’s a reason why this has happened—and its name is Harry Potter.

As J. K. Rowling kept the industry afloat through an entire decade—while becoming richer than the Queen—publishers learned that one phenomenal kids’ book can outsell thousands of adult titles, and if it spawns a series, it can have the return-customer power of crack cocaine.

Why? Kids tend to group-think more than adults. The instinct to fit in with the herd is necessary for young humans to survive. This means children and teens can be manipulated into thinking they can’t survive without the latest fad.

The Potter/Twilight type-blockbuster doesn’t happen with grown-up books because adults individuate and outgrow the fit-in-with-the-herd-or-die instinct. No matter how well Dan Brown is selling, if a reader isn’t into religious conspiracy-lit, he won’t buy it.

The result is less risk-taking and diversity in adult publishing—why take a chance on something creative and new when there’s no likelihood of top-notch returns?

So a lot of us who are exhausted with fangs, gimmicky monster mash-ups, and serial-killer torture-porn are turning to YA when we want fresh contemporary fiction. But reliving the horrors of high school isn’t exactly escapist reading for a lot of us. The truth is, most grown-ups like to read about people like ourselves doing interesting/fun/stupid/brave/inspiring things—with maybe a little non-PG-rated sex thrown in.

But publishers say that kind of commercial fiction “doesn’t sell.” By that they mean a single title doesn’t earn six figures on launch day. And OK, when it takes approximately 2.2 U.S. Presidents to add up to one Wimpy Kid, I realize it would take hundreds of midlisters to compete with KidLit sales numbers. And each adult midlister needs an editor, cover designer, distributor, and at least a perfunctory amount of hand-holding while she sells the book. All costing $$$. Yeah, I get why we’re not the best business choice. Sigh.

But a ray of hope has emerged in the last year, and it’s coming from e-readers. Most Kindle owners are adults. Sales of Kindle books have already topped a billion.

So maybe we should all self-publish our adult books for Kindle while we’re researching that dystopian post-apocalyptic steampunk high-school-zombies-on-Mars epic that’s going to break us into the Big Six publishing fortress. (Can anybody lend me a teenager?)

Meanwhile, we can take heart in knowing we’re not alone—and even the former leader of the free world gets his keister kicked by wizards, sparkly vampires, and wimpy kids.

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If you want to read more of my bon mots: starting next week, I’ll be on staff at the Best Damn Creative Writing Blog—one of the fastest growing online destinations for publishing industry news, essays and commentary. Whether you’re looking for MFA application advice, Twitter tips or you just want to stay informed on the latest in all things literary, they have something for you. Check it out. It's unstuffy and full of information. Kind of the HuffPo of publishing news sites.

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Nathan Bransford’s Decision, Self-Published Kindle books, and You

Everybody who reads this blog probably knows I’m an obsessed long-time fan of Curtis Brown agent Nathan Bransford. When I read his Friday post saying he’s left the publishing business, I felt a personal loss. I know he promises to keep up his blog, and I’m not losing my agent, like Natalie Whipple, Lisa Brackman, Kristi Marie Kriddle and so many others. But “knowing” somebody with Nathan’s kindness and integrity in the business always made me hopeful.

The news that he’s leaving for a more lucrative position at the tech news site CNET seemed like more bad news for kindness and integrity at the end of a disastrous week.

I was helped a little by the hilarious post from The Rejectionist suggesting “reasons” why Nathan has left us (one of which involves Jonathan Franzen’s fear that Nathan might make the cover of Time.) It had me laughing through my tears.

But now I’ve thought it over, I’m not sure the news is all bad. When I spoke with Nathan at the Central Coast Writers’ Conference last September, he said electronic publishing will dominate the business sooner than people realize—and self-publishing will be a strong factor. Most people in the traditional publishing world have poo-poo’ed the electronic self-publishing movement, but not Nathan. He said we’re at the dawn of a wonderful new era when writers will have control over our own careers.

Maybe that’s partly why Nathan left agenting. I’m sure there’s more money in reviewing and advertising e-readers than representing people who write for them. Crystal-ball watchers are pretty sure agents will still figure into the new publishing paradigm, but chances are they won’t be making the kind of money they used to. The days of big advances are pretty much gone, and fifteen percent of a $500-$1000 advance isn’t going to pay for a lot of New York office space.

The Pied Piper of the electronic self-publishing movement is mystery writer J.A. Konrath. His plan and subsequent success are detailed on his blog A Newbie’s Guide to Publishing. Every writer should read it in order to understand our current choices.

What Konrath is doing works, as you can see detailed on his blog. He’s making real money while long-time traditionally published writers are going back to their day jobs.

The reason is this: traditional publishers charge a lot for e-books—especially those written by superstars—basically treating them like hard-cover releases.

But Konrath and his disciples charge $.99 to $2.99.

How do they make money?

They get big royalties—ones they don’t have to share with anybody. Amazon offers a 70% royalty on a $2.99 Kindle book. Compare that to a 5% royalty on a standard paperback…well, you do the math. And, selling at those prices, they sell A LOT. Konrath is now outselling Dan Brown, Janet Evanovich and Jonathan Franzen.

Everybody’s argument against his plan is, “He’s Konrath—an established author; that would never work for an unknown.”

But this simply isn’t true. Many writers are having success with it. And the generous-spirited Konrath helps by posting about other self-Kindlized books. Two writers I follow—Karen McQuestion and Elisa Lorello—have had such fantastic sales with Kindle that now Amazon is publishing their books in hard copy through Amazon Encore. Elisa Lorello had never been published before when her romantic comedy Faking It made it to #6 on the Kindle bestseller list a month after release.

Yes, of course there will be a boatload of crap books dumped on Kindle, just as there have been with self-published books since POD technology came along. And please, PLEASE don’t throw your NaNo book out there before you do LOTS of revision, or you’ll end your career before it starts. You’ll thank me later. I promise.

Readers will probably depend on review sites to choose reading material. There are already e-book review sites springing up, like Dirt Cheap Kindle Books. The cream will rise. As best-selling author Dean Wesley Smith said in a Friday blogpost   “A book WILL NOT SELL at $2.99 or even $.99 if it sucks. Readers have taste that won’t be overpowered by simple low prices.”

Of course, to succeed as a self-publisher, you’ll have to spend more time polishing your work than ever. You won’t have the agent/editor process to get it up to professional quality. I'm sure that independent editors with good track records will be much in demand. Every writer needs an editor. Even Jane Austen depended more heavily on an editor than people realize.

Of course, everything could change in a nanosecond, especially if prices of traditionally published ebooks come down. And as Dean Wesley Smith said in the same post, “This new world is changing so fast, nothing that I say here could be valid by this time in 2011.”

In fact, even the argument that quality will rise to the top may be wrong. On Karen McQuestion’s blog yesterday, author Scott Nicholson offered what he calls “the worst novel ever written” (his own first book) for $.99. He wants to see how many people will read a book that costs less than a dollar, when even the author admits it’s terrible. I don't predict major sales, but then, I wouldn’t have given much hope to the Bridges of Madison County, either.

I’m following all this with fascination. I’m working on cover design ideas for my two backlist titles. And maybe the rest of them. Since we have to promote our own books and design our own advertising campaigns anyway, why not get paid a reasonable percentage of the profits?

Nathan Bransford is carving out a new place for himself in this brave new e-publishing world, and maybe we all should be considering it, too.

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The Writer’s Enemy List: Dream Smashers, Crazymakers and Groucho Marxists

 When you start a writing project, whether you’re diving into the intensity of NaNoWriMo, or just carving out a few hours to peck away at the keyboard on weekends, it helps to get emotional support from friends and family.

But be prepared for the opposite.

Some people in your life may find your new interest threatening, and if you’re not emotionally prepared, they can derail your project and undermine your self esteem. They’ll work to sabotage your writing and confidence in dozens of subtle—or not-so-subtle—ways.

Here are some non-supportive types to watch out for, and tips on how to deal with them:

Dream Smashers

These are the know-it-alls who specialize in discouragement.

• They’re full of statistics showing the odds against getting published. 

• They’ll send links to articles with dire warnings about carpal tunnel syndrome and back injuries due to long sessions with the computer.

• They have an unending supply of stories about suicide and depression in writers.

They may appear to be supportive at first, and may even express an eagerness to read your WIP—only to give entirely negative feedback.

• They always “know” some rule that you’ve broken—probably mis-remembered from their 5^th grade grammar class.

• They’ll criticize your premise in a way that’s also a personal attack: “nobody wants to read about women over 40/washed-up athletes/teenagers with disabilities.”

• They’ll criticize anything in your work that doesn’t promote their own world view, and suggest the story would be much better if the hero were more like them. 

These people have given up on their own dreams, and want you to do the same.

Encourage them to write their own damn books.

Crazymakers

Creativity guru Julia Cameron described these people as “storm centers…long on problems but short on solutions.”

They are the drama queens, emotional vampires, and control freaks who crave your full- time attention and can’t stand for you to focus on anything but their own dramas.

Writers are magnets for these people because we tend to be good listeners.

• You tell your Crazymaker friend your writing schedule, but she’ll always “forget,” and show up at exactly the time your story is on a roll. She’ll draw you into a weepy tale of woe, saying you’re the “only one who understands.”

• Have a deadline for a difficult article? That’s the moment Crazymaker will stomp into your office and confess the affair he had four years ago when you were on a relationship break. 

• Got an agent waiting for a rewrite? That’s the week Mrs. Crazymaker calls to beg you to babysit her sick child because she can’t take off work. After all, she has a REAL job

Crazymakers need to be center stage, 24/7. Nothing you do can be of any importance: your job description is “minion.”

Resign.

Groucho Marxists

The Groucho Marxist manifesto is, to paraphrase the great Julius Henry Marx: “I do not care to read a book by a person who would accept me as a friend.”

Groucho Marxists are your family members and buddies who assume your work is terrible because it was written by somebody they know.

I’m not talking about those helpful beta readers who comb through your unpublished manuscript looking for flaws to be fixed before you submit.

These are the folks who feel compelled to ridicule and belittle your work, whether they’ve read it or not. No amount of success will convince them you’re any good.

• You get a story published. Groucho can’t be bothered to read it. But he’s always bringing you stories by other writers in your genre, “so you can see how a REAL writer does it.”

• You get your big call from that agent. Groucho will try to convince you she’s a scammer. Why would a real agent represent a nobody like you?

• You sign with a publisher. Groucho thinks he's heard a rumor the company is about to go under: look how desperate they must be if they’d publish your book.

• You get a good review. Groucho doesn’t have time to read it. But he has lots of time to research other pieces by that reviewer to show the reviewer has terrible taste.

• You win a Pulitzer. What? No Nobel?

 These people are highly competitive and feel your success will make you “better than them.”

Remind them of their own skills and accomplishments and reassure them that any writing success you achieve won’t change your relationship.

It’s hard enough to live with the constant rejection we have to deal with in this industry, so when you’re attacked in your personal life, it’s tough to hang on. You have to erect strong boundaries and be fierce in defending them. But if you’re serious about your work, the people who really care about you will learn to treat your time and work with respect.

The others will evaporate.

Chances are you won’t miss them.

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NaNoWriMo—Seven Reasons To Join in the Silliness

For the uninitiated: NaNoWriMo is the National Novel Writing Month project. Started a decade ago by a young San Franciscan named Chris Baty—and 21 of his verbally ambitious friends—it challenges you to write a complete novel in a month. That month is November. Last year 165,000 writers—called “Wrimos”—joined in the merriment.

Entering the contest—now run by Mr. Baty’s non-profit outfit, the Office of Letters and Light—is free. Anybody who finishes 50,000 words by midnight November 30^th is a winner. No prizes that I know of: completion of your novel is its own reward.

To enter, you register at NaNoWriMo.org so you can have your word count verified at the end of the month, and on November 1, start writing.

Crazy? Absolutely. But all fiction writing is crazy, so why not? Of the 250 commenters on Nathan Bransford’s blogpost on the subject most intend to try it. Some are going to be starting a first novel, but a lot of others have participated multiple times. (Nathan promised to devote all of next week’s blogposts to NaNo.)

But…don’t they write a lot of crapola?

Yup. And that’s the point.

It’s all about creating a *&%#ty first draft.

As Anne LaMotte wrote in her classic book for writers Bird by Bird :

“The only way [most writers] can get anything done at all is to write really, really, really shitty first drafts.”

NaNo forces you to get that dung onto the page. 

Here are some benefits.

1) No time to agonize over your first chapter. You’ve read endless carping on blogs like this one about how the first chapter has to hook the reader, introduce all the major themes and plot elements, begin with the world’s most exciting sentence, etc. But when you’re writing your first draft, none of that matters. You’re introducing yourself to your characters and their world. You can worry about your reader when you start editing next January.

2) No frittering away time on research. If you’re one of those writers who has procrastinated for years, piling up reams of historical and biographical detail, this is your chance to actually write the damned book. The truth is, most of those details would bore the reader silly if you actually put them in your novel, anyway. You’re better off writing the book first and figuring out later whether your reader needs to know what they used for toilet paper in 13th century Scotland or what kind of underpants Genghis Khan wore.

3) No time to censor yourself. You can’t afford to agonize over whether your brother–in-law/former teacher/ex-girlfriend will recognize him/herself. Or if your mom will find out you weren’t really at band camp that summer when you and your buddies took the road trip to Cabo. Besides you’ll be amazed how characters/situations inspired by real life take off on their own and create an alternate reality. And excuse me, when did your brother-in-law ever read a book anyway?

4) You won’t be tempted to save your best ideas for later. New writers are often terrified they’ll run out of ideas. But it’s amazing how many more will show up once you’re in the zone.

5) You’ll give up trying to control the process. If the story goes somewhere you didn’t expect it to go, or you can’t stick to your outline, you’ll have to run with it. When your muse is talking, you can’t take the chance of pissing her off for even a couple of days.

6) You’ll have a great excuse for skipping the family Thanksgiving with all those relatives whose politics make you despair for the future of the human race.

7) It’s fun—and a great way to meet other writers all over the world. Look in the NaNo website forums for online and in-person discussions and groups. (Locals: they’ve got regional groups in Fresno, Bakersfield, Santa Cruz and Santa Barbara, and a few San Luis Obispans are reaching out to each other in the forums.)

If you decide to jump into the craziness, here are the NaNo rules:

• Register at the NaNoWriMo website before November 1
• Write a novel (in any language) 50,000+ words long between November 1 and November 30. “Novel” is loosely defined. They say “If you consider the book you're writing a novel, we consider it a novel too!”
• Start from scratch. Previously written outlines & character sketches are OK—and highly recommended—but this can’t be a work in progress.
• Be the sole author. Although you can use the occasional quotation.
• Write more than one word. No repeating the same one 50,000 times.
• Upload your novel for word-count validation to the site between November 25 and November 30.

Chances are pretty good you aren’t going to write a polished, publishable novel in four weeks (although Charles Dickens is said to have written A Christmas Carol in six, four of which were in November, so there’s some precedent.)

But PLEASE don’t start querying agents until you do a serious, in-depth revision: you’ll just clog the pipeline and make the agents cranky, which isn’t good for any of us. And when you do query, it’s not wise to reveal that the book began at NaNo—unfortunately, a lot of participants send off the unedited crapola. Also, most agents won’t look at a novel of less than 70,000 words, so even the Chuck Dickenses among you will have further work to do.

But if you do that work, maybe you’ll have the success of NaNovelist Sarah Gruen, whose phenomenal best seller Water For Elephants started as a NaNo project.

And the important thing is you’ll have a draft to start revising. And you’ll have finished a novel. How many people can say that?

And for those of us who are in the middle of several projects and can’t start a new one this month, YA author Natalie Whipple has suggested a companion November challenge: NaNoReaMo. You read at least three books a week for the whole month.

That’s the one I’m going to be going for. I already have a pile of sucky first drafts to edit.

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CAN YOU WRITE A PUBLISHABLE FIRST NOVEL? 8 DOS AND DON’TS TO INCREASE YOUR CHANCES.

Gearing up for NaNoWriMo? Good for you. You’ve always wanted to write a novel and next month you’re going to do it.

But remember that most first novels never see print. Editors call them “practice novels.” Like any other profession, writing requires a long learning process. But there are a few things that will give your first novel a better chance in the marketplace.

1) DO write in a genre that’s being read. You may have always dreamed of  writing a sweeping Micheneresque saga, a Zane Grey western, or a stream-of-consciousness Kerouac ramble, but the sad truth is it’s not likely to see print. Publishing has fashion cycles. I’m not telling you to follow every hot trend—what’s sizzling now will be over by the time you’ve got the book finished—but do be aware of what might be a tough sell down the road. Read lots of book reviews. Be aware of what’s selling. Visit your local bookstore and library often and read, read, read.

2) DON’T write a novel that imitates a screenplay. If you’re under 65, you probably have the TV screenplay format seared into your consciousness. This means that when you’re writing a first novel, you have stuff to unlearn. In a novel, we don’t have to rely so heavily on what the characters say. In fact, they often don’t say what they’re feeling at all.

A reader perceives the action from INSIDE the head of the character/s rather than viewing it from OUTSIDE. In a movie, we’re peeping toms, watching the action through a camera lens; in a novel, we’re experiencing it. A novel is a mindscape, not a landscape.

3) DO avoid an omniscient point of view or constant head-hopping. Choose fewer than three point-of-view characters and you’ll save yourself a ton of grief later on. Omniscient and multiple points of view aren’t “wrong” but they’re old-fashioned and tough to do well. They tend to slow and confuse the reader and turn off agents.

4) DON’T depend on a prologue to initiate tension. There’s much debate about prologues out here in the blogosphere, but a vast majority of agents and editors dislike them. My blogpost on prologues is here. 

Why shoot yourself in the font?

5) DO make sure your story has a protagonist and an antagonist. There has to be one main character. Equality is ideal in the real world, but in narrative, one person has to dominate. If another character walks in and tries to take over, tell her you’ll put her in a short story later. Otherwise, change the focus of your novel. (Not always a bad idea. Sometimes we start with the wrong point-of-view character.)

And remember an antagonist isn’t necessarily a mustache-twirling villain. It can be a situation, a disease, or society itself—anything strong enough to thwart your character for the whole narrative.

6) DON’T choose a protagonist who’s easily satisfied. Your main character has to want something. Badly. Satisfied people make lovely companions, but as soon as your characters get what they want, your story is over.

7) DO activate your inner sadist. Never let your characters get what they need. Throw as many obstacles into their path as possible. Hurt them. Maim them. Give them cruel parents and girlfriends who are preparing to kill them for alien lizard food. It’s OK. You’ll solve their problems in the end. Then won’t you feel good?

8) DON’T put something in a novel “because that’s the way it really happened.” Even if your story is based on your own experiences, remember real life is mostly boring. That’s why we read fiction.

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A GREAT PUBLISHING ADVENTURE Warning: includes scenes of hard-core Anglophilia

Beth Nevis, author of ACROSS THE UNIVERSE  which debuts from Razorbill in January 2011, is running a contest on her blog this week, asking readers to write about their greatest adventures. I thought of a piece I wrote it in 2005 for the Canadian zine INkwell Newswatch, when I was riding high after the publication of my first novel, FOOD OF LOVE. I try not to blabber on too much about myself in this blog, but I thought some of my readers might enjoy this. I’ll post my regular how-to article on Sunday.

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When I started writing funny literary women’s novels twenty years ago, if anybody had given me a realistic idea of my chances for publication, I’d have chosen a less stressful, more rewarding hobby, like do-it-yourself brain surgery, professional frog herding, or maybe staging an all-Ayatollah drag revue in downtown Tehran.

As a California actress with years of experience of cattle-drive auditions, greenroom catfights and vitriolic reviewers, I thought I had built up enough soul-callouses to go the distance. But nothing had prepared me for the glacial waiting periods; bogus, indifferent, and/or suddenly-out-of-business agents; and the heartbreaking, close-but-no-cigar reads from big-time editors—all the rejection horrors that make the American publishing industry the impenetrable fortress it has become.

But some of us are too writing-crazed to stop ourselves. I was then, as now, sick in love with the English language.

I had four novels completed. A fifth had run as a serial in a California entertainment weekly. One of my stories had been short-listed for an international prize, and a play had been produced to good reviews. I was bringing in a few bucks—mostly with short pieces for local magazines and free-lance editing.

But meantime, my savings had evaporated along with my abandoned acting career; my boyfriend had ridden his Harley into the Big Sur sunset; my agent was hammering me to write formula romance; and I was contemplating a move to one of the less fashionable neighborhoods of the rust belt.

Even acceptances turned into rejections: a UK zine that had accepted one of my stories folded. But when the editor sent the bad news, he mentioned he’d taken a job with a small Northern UK press—and did I have any novels?

I sent him one my agent had rejected as “too over the top.” Within weeks, I was offered a contract by the company’s owner/editor—a former BBC comedy writer—for FOOD OF LOVE. Included was an invitation to come over the pond to do some promotion.

So I rented out my beach house, packed my bags and bought a ticket to Gainsborough, Lincolnshire, where my new publishers had recently moved into a 19th century former textile mill on the banks of the river Trent—the river George Eliot fictionalized as “the Floss.”

George Eliot. I was going to be working and living only a few hundred yards from the ruins of the house where she wrote her classic novel about the 19th century folk who lived and died by the power of Lincolnshire’s great tidal river. Maybe some of that greatness would rub off on me.

At the age of…well, I’m not telling…I was about to have the adventure of my life.

I knew the company published mostly erotica, but was branching into mainstream and literary fiction. They had already published the first novel of a distinguished poet, and a famous Chicago newspaper columnist was in residence, awaiting the launch of his new book.

But when I arrived, I found the great Chicagoan had left in a mysterious fit of pique, the “erotica” was seriously hard core, and the old building on the Trent was more of the William Blake Dark Satanic variety than George Elliot’s bucolic mill on the Floss.

Some of my fears subsided when I was greeted by a friendly group of unwashed, fiercely intellectual young men who presented me with generous quantities of warm beer, cold meat pies and galleys to proof. After a beer or two, I found myself almost comprehending their northern accents.

I held it together until I saw my new digs: a grimy futon and an old metal desk, hidden behind stacks of book pallets in the corner of an unheated warehouse, about a half a block from the nearest loo. My only modern convenience was an ancient radio abandoned by a long-ago factory girl.

I have to admit to admit to some tears of despair.

Until, from the radio, Big Ben chimed six o’clock.

That’s six pm, GMT.

Greenwich Mean Time. The words hit me with all the sonorous power of Big Ben itself. I had arrived at the mean, the middle, the center that still holds—no matter what rough beasts might slouch through the cultural deserts of the former empire. This was where my language, my instrument, was born.

I clutched my galley proof to my heart. I might still be a rejected nobody in the land of my birth—but I’d landed on the home planet, England. And here, I was a published novelist. Just like George Eliot.

Three years later, I returned to California, older, fatter (the English may not have the best food, but their BEER is another story) and a lot wiser. That Chicagoan’s fit of pique turned out to be more than justified. The company was swamped in debt. They never managed to get me US distribution. Shortly before my second book was to launch, the managing partner withdrew his capital, sailed off into the mists and mysteriously disappeared off his yacht—his body never found. The company sputtered and died.

And I was back in the slush pile again.

But I had a great plot for my next novel.

Did I make a mistake? Oh yeah—a full set of them. But would I wish away my great English adventure?

Not a chance.

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